I just called my mom and asked her to help me handle some documents in Malaysia for getting married. As we kept talking, I suddenly felt like crying, so I quickly found an excuse and hung up.

If I had to describe that feeling, it would be like this:
All this time, my mom and my family were on land, and I was at sea steering a boat. I always said I wanted to conquer the stars and the ocean, and that sooner or later I would completely break away from my family of origin. But in reality, I had only been drifting around the waters near the land. I could always still see my family onshore.

But now, I realize I really am gradually sailing toward farther waters. I will no longer be able to see my family on land. After this, my connection with them will become thinner and thinner. On the endless sea, the only coordinate left with me will be my partner.

I feel so sad. I suddenly realized I actually love them so much. Even though I used to always say that my parents’ home is their own home, not mine.

My partner laughed at me because before, when he had a similar feeling and felt really sad, I was all cold and heartless and told him that sooner or later, separation was going to happen anyway. I never thought that when it was my turn, I would collapse in an instant and cry my eyes out.

Yeah. I have always known that I am a giant in logic and a dwarf in emotion. Many emotional experiences are very rare and strange to me. I actually think my partner is amazing. He somehow does not collapse like I do. Sometimes what I say is sharp and hurtful, and he just quietly tolerates it.